Handholding
by thisloser
Summary: Kakashi and Gai have to pretend they're a couple. Yep, that's the whole story.
1. pretend you're gay!

A-Rank mission, that was the first thing the Hokage told them, the second thing she said – with something that looked an awful lot like a suppressed smirk, was, "Well, you'll have to pretend you're gay."

It was a strange sort of twist in a conversation that had lasted all of fifteen seconds, Kakashi thought.

"What?" he asked.

Gai didn't show as much restraint. "Hokage-sama!?"

"You heard right." Slowly and deliberately, Tsunade unrolled the mission scroll in front of her. "Don't look at me like that. This isn't the first time you've had to deal with… eccentrics, is it? Tsukeyaki's just a special type. Hates women, thinks they're disgusting and inferior and who knows what else… not that that's all _that_ special, now that I think about it." She sighed.

"Anyway, he doesn't even want to be around_ men_ who have sex with women. Maybe he's afraid he'll catch heterosexuality if a straight man sneezes on him." There was a smirk on her lips now, laying in wait. "It's ridiculous. The man is a complete moron, but he's rich and powerful, so people humor him."

Kakashi could already see how the pieces fit together. He didn't like the picture one bit. Next to him Gai shifted uncomfortably.

"Thankfully, he's decided that his huge estate is some kind of refuge for male homosexuals with nowhere else to go."

"I see." Kakashi figured he had to carry the conversation for both of them as Gai made no sound. "But for information gathering purposes, wouldn't it be better for someone to go in alone and seduce Tsukeyaki?"

That got him a _look_ from Gai, furrowed eyebrows and everything. _It's not like I'm volunteering_, he wanted to say. Tsunade, however, was already waving her hand in dismissal of his idea.

"We're not looking to get information from him. The man is clueless. He's got no idea what's going on right under his own nose. You think there weren't a million criminals just waiting for some naïve idiot to open his house to them? It's become a place for secret weapon and drug trade and who knows what else."

"So we might not be the only ones pretending…"

"Maybe." Tsunade shrugged. "Either way I need you to find out what's going on up there."

* * *

Kakashi slipped the mission scroll into his vest pocket and started walking back to his apartment, his thoughts already preoccupied with a list of things he'd need to pack. Gai was walking right next to him, hands buried in pockets Kakashi hadn't even known the spandex suit _had_, unusually quiet.

That was until he suddenly burst out like a predictable ancient geyser, "You know, Rival, we could just sneak in undetected. Then we wouldn't have to pretend anything! It would be a great challenge!"

Kakashi sighed. "It would also be stupid because if we got caught, we'd immediately have a fight on our hands."

"So? We can handle a fight!"

He glanced over at and Gai and practically recoiled from the fire in his friend's shining eyes. Why did _he _always have to be the voice of reason? "Sure. _We_ can. But there'll be civilians there – most of whom'll be innocent bystanders – in a relatively small, enclosed area; you're really willing to risk their lives when there's a much safer way?"

"…" That took care of the fire, like a well-aimed bucket of water.

Gai was pouting a little, marching on in silence until they entered their building.

"See you tomorrow!" With that and a tired half-wave, Kakashi began jogging up the stairs to his apartment, glad to be rid of Gai for the night at least.

After all, they'd probably see enough of each other in the coming weeks to last them a lifetime.

* * *

A.N.: So not sure about this, probably already dead in the water. But it's short. Maybe I'll manage short updates. RL is exhausting and terrible at the moment.


	2. storming the fortress?

The great thing about Gai was that he never pouted long. The very next day he was already waiting at the village gate, bright and early as ever, pacing up and down the street, his pack slung loosely over one shoulder. Kakashi watched him from the shadows for a bit. He'd bought an apple from the market and ate it while Gai stomped around the village entrance, glancing at his watch every five seconds.

Twenty minutes after he'd finished the apple and rolled up his mask, Kakashi left his hiding place and strolled down the street as if he was in the middle of his Sunday walk. He ignored the daggers Gai glared at him and intercepted Gai with a question before he had time to explode - an old trick that Kakashi had found to be a very effective tactic when dealing with his friend.

"You ready?" he asked, triggering the expected gasp of indignation from Gai.

"WH- Me?! I've been here for an hour! YOU'RE –"

Kakashi just smiled. "Great! Let's go then! No time to chat, Gai. I hate to say it, but we're running kind of late."

Gai, staggering from the force of Kakashi's shamelessness, his face red and splotchy, gasped once more.

"WE?! You're the one who—"

"Well, we've got to hurry, Gai, so don't dawdle!" And with that Kakashi set off through the gate, into the forest.

* * *

Three days wasn't a particularly long journey, but it wasn't exactly a short one either, 72 hours on the road were exhausting, even for a jounin of Kakashi's caliber. Travelling with Gai, though, always made the time pass much faster as Gai tended to talk through the whole trip, telling stories about his students, past missions and exciting training sessions. Kakashi liked his friend's chatter; it allowed him to drift in and out of listening while serving as a nice constant, something to anchor his attention and keep his thoughts off the darker roads they might go down otherwise.

Still, he was relieved when they finally got to the estate, all the way north near the border to Grass, where the forests were growing so thick, there were spots shrouded in permanent darkness because the light couldn't reach the mossy ground.

Gai saw the wall first and pointed it out to Kakashi, who pulled out his binoculars and scanned the area. The forest opened up into something that – at first glance – looked like a natural clearing, but after a few seconds, Kakashi spotted the blackened rock on the ground where plants had been burnt down to create the open space.

Kakashi had to run up a tree to be able to see the buildings, none of which were as high as the surrounding wall. He memorized the layout – four large, traditional shoin zukuri, one in each corner of the rectangular compound and each of them low buildings. None of them looked like they had more than one storey. Which was surprising, considering that, according to their mission scroll, the place had been a daimyo's castle once, until the lord had fallen in one of the smaller battles preceding the First Shinobi World War and his land had gone to Fire Country. Tsukeyaki had bought the property, rebuilt it, and had been living there as something of a recluse for more than a decade.

"This is more impressive than I thought it would be," Kakashi said as he hopped down from his vantage point. It was certainly larger than he had expected.

Gai glanced at him, then into the distance, then back at him again. A frown was drawing his brows together into a thick, black, jagged line. "It's a fortress, Rival," he announced dramatically, "but we could take it!"

Kakashi gave him a _look,_ silently wondering what he'd done to deserve this mission. "Innocent bystanders, remember?"

A huff from Gai and nothing else. As far as reactions went, Kakashi had hoped for something more professional. Weren't they past the stage where he had to explain to Gai that being a shinobi did not in fact mean running in with a battlecry on your lips and absolutely no plan in your head? Apparently not.

Better to just take the lead and move on, he decided.

"Anyway, I think it's time to come up with a story, don't you?" Somewhere in the distance, beyond the sheer endless forest, behind the wall, the compound, the buildings containing innocent and not so innocent men, the sun was no doubt already slipping past the horizon, and after three days of travel Kakashi longed to crawl into a warm bed, even one warmed by the man standing next to him. At this point, he really didn't care.

"Story? What story?" That clueless look on Gai's face, it made Kakashi wonder where he'd _been _for the last few days.

Kakashi could have said something cutting then, but instead he opted for a smile, the sweetest one in his repertoire. "Why Gai-kun," he said in a voice to match, slow and syrupy, "the story of our love, of course!"


	3. wondrous transformation miracle!

"We're supposed to be a couple, remember?" Kakashi added when Gai showed no reaction beyond changing the color of his face to a light shade of crimson. Just typical, Kakashi thought, Gai got flustered at the speed of light, hands clenched and nostrils flaring within seconds – and just as quickly he calmed down again.

Gai puffed out his chest and took a deep breath.

Kakashi braced himself.

"Hah, Kakashi, of course I remember! Who do you take me for?"

"So?" Kakashi prompted. He even managed to suppress the eye roll, barely.

"So! This is not like you, my Rival! Making a rookie-mistake like that!" Gai threw his head back, roaring with laughter in a way that made Kakashi want to dig a book out of his backpack. But before he had the chance, Gai leaned closer, continuing in a loud stage whisper, "_We'_re not supposed to be a couple, no, the people we'll _pretend _to be are supposed to be a couple!"

"Great. Your genius is dazzling."

"Isn't it, though?!" That manic glint in his eyes… It made even Kakashi wish he had something to shield himself from it.

Well, there was always sarcasm.

"I'm completely awestruck."

Which wasn't much of a comfort when your audience was one hundred percent immune to it. Gai's grin only widened, his teeth gleaming an eerie white in the smothered green semi-darkness of the thick forest.

"Hn, you haven't seen anything yet!" With a graceful shrug he let his backpack slide off his shoulders. "Kakashi, my Rival!" Gai exclaimed, his volume scaring up a murder of crows that burst black into the foliage, allowing shafts of orange light to pierce through for a few seconds. Gai used that magical moment to fling himself around in some bastardized version of a pirouette, shedding his vest and pulling frantically at his suit. He came to a halt only half-done, his suit gaping open, hair mussed. "Meet Yatou Tora!" he shouted, obviously pretending that this was the effect he'd been going for all along, that his transformation was complete and utterly perfect.

This time Kakashi did not hold back on the eye rolling.

"Tora? You sure you wanna go with that?" he drawled. "It's a little on the nose…"

But Gai wasn't listening. He was in glorious rant-mode, all aglow with pride in the character he'd invented.

"Tora-kun is the young, hot-blooded son of a farmer," he explained, waving his index finger in Kakashi's face. "He was born on a stormy night in November, the third of his family's four sons! As a matter of fact, the house was struck by lightning the night he was born and his poor, beloved mother died in the merciless flames—"

Kakashi would have proceeded to roll his eye, but the forest was starting to spin dangerously.

"How can he be the third of four kids if his mother died giving birth to him?" he asked instead.

"Haha, my Rival, such an intelligent question! A genius like you picks up on the smallest details! Actually! The fourth son, Yonmaru, was adopted after his biological parents died during an earthquake!"

"That's way too much back-story, Gai…" Kakashi groaned. And _Yonmaru?_ Gai's story was seriously making him want to crawl into a dark, damp hole. Frustrated, he tried to massage away the headache building behind his eyes, his fingers rubbing at his temples with more force than could be healthy. "The only important part is how he got here and why he's with me."

"What's your alias then?" Once more Gai was looking decidedly pouty.

"… Shiba Souku." Kakashi sighed. The name had only just occurred to him. It would do. "No siblings," he added snidely. "Although I might have had an older twin who died in the womb. His name would have been Ichimaru. It was very tragic."

Gai didn't even bat an eyelash. "Hm… Souku-kun?"

Kakashi shrugged.

"I figure we met at school. Childhood sweethearts, that sort of thing."

"Hmmm…" he really didn't like that curl of Gai's lower lip.

"What?"

"Such a bland story!"

"It's boring and believable, which makes it perfect for us. Let's say we built a small business together. A shop, maybe a general store, or a bookshop…"

Kakashi had to admit that he could picture himself owning a bookshop, almost too easily. As for "Tora"… he would have come in handy for the heavy lifting if nothing else.

"Anyway, it burned down; there's your drama." And their reason for showing up on Tsukeyaki's doorstep. "We lost everything and now we're looking for some way to start over," Kakashi finished, ignoring the disappointed look on Gai's face. "Let's get changed. We'd better make it to the gate before nightfall."

"Hmpf, I can be there in two seconds, Rival! And I'm not afraid to race you and prove it," Gai grumbled, the challenge punctuated by the high-pitched whine of his zipper being pulled down forcefully.

"Because nothing says _I love you_ like running away from someone," Kakashi sighed as he shrugged off his vest. "Can you try not to blow our cover within the first five minutes of the mission?"

"Wh—" Gai gasped, clearly offended. "I— Playfully chasing each other! Lovers do that! All the time!"

"So… when I catch you, we'll have a tumble in the grass?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow at Gai's crimson face and sputtering attempts to form a coherent reply. He tsked, shaking his head in disappointment. "Tora, our store just burned down. We've lost everything we had. I can't believe all you think about right now is sex."

"I—_Kakashi_!"

There was something extremely satisfying about driving Gai to the point where his eyes were tearing up out of frustration. Kakashi really couldn't hold back the smirk grazing his lips. Thankfully, he was still wearing his mask.

"It's Souku," he said gravely, "if you're supposed to be my boyfriend, you'd better at least remember my name."


	4. such tenderness!

In the end it took them sixteen minutes just to change out of their uniforms – or in Gai's case hideous spandex abomination – and into the worn Yukata and simple cotton pants they'd brought. As far as disguises went, Kakashi, thought they'd probably do. His outfit was a depressing grey, the fabric patternless and threadbare from having been washed a few times too often.

For some reason, Gai was not wearing anything green – Kakashi was still a little bit in shock about that – but a loose mustard colored combo that was probably very appropriate since it looked exactly like the kind of outfit a person would only wear if everything else they owned had been devoured by flames. Gai had rolled up the sleeves to show off his muscular arms, no doubt, while Kakashi wore a dark scarf to cover the lower half of his face and had put an eye patch over his left eye.

"Childhood accident," he said, stroking over the smooth surface of the patch with his fingertip, "I fell off a tree I was climbing when I was six. That's how I lost the eye. Anything I need to know about Tora?"

"Only that he's a hard-working, honest, hot-blooded twenty-nine year old man in the Springtime of his Youth!" Gai beamed.

So much for pretending to be different people, Kakashi thought. _The words Let me guess, his favorite food is super spicy curry _lay on his tongue, but then something else gave him pause.

"Twenty-nine?" Kakashi just couldn't keep himself from chuckling at that. "You made yourself a year younger, Gai? Really?"

"I'm not younger; Tora is! It's part of my cover!" Gai's eyebrows were bearing down into an expression of righteous indignation.

Unimpressed, Kakashi felt actual laughter bubbling from his belly to the tip of his tongue. Only Gai…

"I don't know," he said, a mischievous smile hiding under his scratchy scarf, "I think this might be putting the mission at unnecessary risk. People will probably be able to tell that you're really a thirty year old man. You've got that old man smell, Gai. Dead giveaway."

"How dare you, Kakashi! I don't smell like an old man! My scent is light and youthful! It's the scent of a flower bud before it has shown its tender blossom to the world. "

_Well, as the guy who'll have to see your tender blossom for next few weeks…_

He bit his tongue. There was no point in teasing Gai endlessly. They were on a mission after all, and it was about time they got going. Decisively, Kakashi picked up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.

He gave Gai an easy smile.

"Let's go," he said.

* * *

They were halfway up the path leading to the gate when Gai suddenly asked the question.

"Do you think we should hold hands?"

Suddenly made uncomfortably aware of his hands dangling at his side, Kakashi mulled it over. Truth be told, he wasn't much of a hand holder. The woman he was currently seeing – in a casual, on and off kind of way – back in Konoha had never said anything about it – although he'd had short-term girlfriends who'd complained about his standoffish nature.

"I don't know," he replied honestly. "Is that the kind of couple we want to play?"

"What do you mean? We're together! And we just lost our home! That means we're all we have!" Gai nodded vigorously to himself.

"So… that's all there is to it?" Kakashi asked.

"Of course! We love each other, don't we?"

"Well, that would be part of the mission." Kakashi sighed, looking up at the high stone wall and the thick wooden gate that still separated them from their target area. Once they were inside, there'd be no turning back. He was about to say something to that effect, but then Gai simply took his hand, wrapping his fingers around Kakashi's and marching on like it was the most natural thing in the world, tugging Kakashi along.

* * *

A.N.: I'm not okay.


	5. touching in new and exciting places!

There he was, Shiba Souku, young owner of a quaint little bookstore – make that former young owner of said quaint little bookstore, since now he was bereft, left with nothing but the shirt on his back and the man by his side. Under the scratchy fabric of his scarf, Kakashi's lips quirked into something suspiciously smirk-like. He knew how he was going to play this.

"Tora," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, "I'm scared." The words rolled smoothly of his tongue, like polished marbles. He'd found that it could do a lot for him, using the more polite pronoun, a tiny change, but more than enough to give Gai pause, make him stop pounding the gate with his fist and frown at Kakashi as if he'd started speaking in tongues.

Gai was slow on the uptake, as usual. Kakashi decided to keep going, with or without his support, he'd catch up eventually, he always did. So to move their little act along if nothing else, Kakashi grabbed Gai's wrist and looked into his confused eyes imploringly.

"What will we do if they don't take us in? Where will we go?" The trick lay in not raising his voice, in talking to no one but "Tora".

And it was surprising, but Kakashi saw it finally, the darkness shifting in Gai's eyes. _Don't blow this now_, he thought, _don't overact_. The possibility of sudden sunsets made him cringe.

"We'll find something," Gai said with just a hint of uncertainty, obviously still feeling his way along, following Kakashi's lead.

That was good. That was better than Kakashi had dared to hope. He knew there was someone on the other side of that wall and this was exactly what Kakashi wanted him to hear.

"It's going to be okay…" Gai was steadily growing more confident, which wasn't always a good thing, but Kakashi decided to go with it for now. The sky above them was a soothing, velvety black, and Gai's eyes were still dry.

_Time to really sell this. _Kakashi didn't hesitate; in one big step he was in Gai's personal space, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off his body, but still not close _enough._ It took another small step for Kakashi to realize that he was too tall, or maybe Gai was too short. He couldn't quite get the effect he'd wanted. Burying his face in Gai's chest was out of the question, he had to stoop a little just to effectively bury it in the side of Gai's shockingly sweaty neck.

After an awkward second, Gai got the idea and wrapped his arms around Kakashi, who was starting to wonder how exactly it was possible for a human being to have a body as hard and angular as Gai's. It felt like he was hugging a wooden training pole.

Maybe it was simply the novelty of it; after all he'd never hugged Gai before. Gai had always been the one who'd embraced him. Usually against his will. And that was a different kind of experience; Gai would squeeze the air right out of his lungs while Kakashi's mind would be preoccupied with nothing but enduring.

"Whatever happens, I'll protect you. Always. I promise." Gai's lips were close enough to brush the shell of Kakashi's ear; his words warm gusts of breath. It was odd to hear a cheesy line like that in real life – not that Gai didn't spout cheesy lines all the time, but Kakashi wasn't usually at the receiving end of this particular brand of schmaltz. Kakashi loved this kind of thing in novels, he couldn't lie about that, but he wasn't the kind of person who'd ever say this stuff to an actual lover. Which was kind of funny, considering he'd never hesitated to tell a teammate that he had their back.

Kakashi pushed his thoughts aside and stayed firmly in character. Souku was to be a bit of a wimp, he'd decided, not too bright – although not exactly stupid either – definitely weak-willed and insecure. He'd hide behind Tora, who'd play the part of the big, boisterous, somewhat simple-minded oaf. _A role Gai should be able to pull off easily enough_, Kakashi thought as Gai awkwardly petted his head as if Kakashi was some kind of overeager puppy.

He'd been tempted to whisper something like _Is this how you touch your girlfriends?_ into Gai's ear, but they were both spared that particular conversation – at least for the time being – when one heavy wing of the gate was pulled inwards. Slowly but surely it scraped over the rocky ground – Kakashi used the moment to disentangle himself from Gai and straighten his Yukata – to reveal a young man standing forlornly on the stone path leading into the darkness.

_Just a boy_, Kakashi thought, _all by himself? _He couldn't sense anyone else in the vicinity, only the kid, and he really wasn't much more than that, Naruto's age maybe, give or take a year. It made Kakashi instantly suspicious. Among shinobi, age wasn't an indicator of anyone's level of skill, but this boy gave off only the slightest hint of chakra – nowhere near enough to master even the most simple ninjutsu. He was a civilian, Kakashi was sure of that.

"I'm sorry I made you wait…" the boy bowed, his mop of tousled brown hair obscuring his face. "We weren't expecting guests."

"Ah, no…!" Gai gestured dismissively.

"We're the ones who have to apologize," Kakashi chimed in. He bowed as well, even more deeply than the boy had, and instantly heard the _whoosh _of displaced air as Gai practically whipped into an even more exaggerated super-speed bow, almost breaking his nose on his kneecaps. Had they been alone, Kakashi would have given him a whack on the back of his head.

But they had an audience now, so all he could do was force a smile and hope for the best.

* * *

A.N.: I'm alive - more or less. Thanks to everyone who commented! Things aren't great, but I'm trying and that's really all you can do, isn't it?


	6. just out of kicking range

"Aaah, there's really no need…" the boy bowed twice more, a frantic edge to his jerky movements. Kakashi really wanted to glare at Gai, however he didn't want to risk it. He'd already decided that Souku was supposed to be meek and devoted to his stupid boyfriend…

Although… There were other types of couples… Maybe Souku could even be on the lookout for a new man in his life? Maybe Kakashi should go with his initial idea and try to get into Tsukeyaki's bed after all?

"I'm Shiba Souku," he said finally, shelving his new strategy for the time being. He had a feeling Gai wouldn't like it and he didn't need the complication. Gai for his part was standing up straight again, smiling the vacant smile of someone who had no clue what to say or do next. "This is Yatou Tora," Kakashi offered, gesturing over to his partner like Gai was a product on display. "My…" he trailed off deliberately, feigning insecurity. Kakashi directed a kind of _I can't really spell it out, can I? _look at the ground, hopefully enough for the kid to catch a whiff of old, well-ingrained shame.

"My name is Jun," the boy said, bowing again, like some kind of human yo-yo. He was less awkward than Gai, but not by a lot. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

No family name. Kakashi studied the youth, took in the rolled up sleeves and pants, exposing sparsely muscled, tanned limbs. From the collar of his pale blue Yukata to the tips of his _geta_ Jun was dressed like a servant. He acted like one, too, but Kakashi didn't like taking things at face value and he certainly didn't want to give the impression that Souku was the kind of person to assume, no matter how obvious something seemed to be.

"Do you work here?" he asked. "Because… you see…"

He stammered just enough and ducked his head. "We were hoping… Satoru-san said—" It would have been a good moment for Tora to swoop in and at least touch Souku's shoulder, maybe even finish the sentence, support him somehow, but Gai continued to stand around stiffly as if he had been ordered to guard the patch of dirt under his feet. He didn't move a muscle and, growing more and more irritated, Kakashi felt like pinching him or stepping on his foot.

But Jun helped him out, his eyes lighting up with recognition.

"Ah! Satoru-san? You know him?" the boy asked, then paused and frowned at himself. "Oh, of course you do, I mean, you're here! I'm sorry! That was a silly question! You need a place to stay?"

"That would be—" Kakashi made a show of swallowing the standard polite reply. As a man who'd lost everything in a fire, he couldn't rely on mere politeness anymore. He had to pawn pride for honesty. "We really do. _Tora _and I _really_ need a place to stay." It was the best he could do with Gai standing just out of kicking range.

Gai blinked like he was waking up; his previously unfocused eyes darted over to Kakashi. "Eh? Oh! Yes! Yes, my _LOVE_!" Kakashi wanted to slap him.

"Please," he said to Jun, forcing a helpless smile, "we're exhausted."

"I'll have to talk to Yasu-sama, but don't be worried!"Jun was nodding encouragingly. If Gai's stupid line had made him suspicious, he sure wasn't showing it. "Yasu-sama would never send someone like you away! He always says that we all have to stick together."

"Thank you." Kakashi bowed once more. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this formal. Very deliberately he did not look over to see what Gai was doing. He was pissed off enough for one night.

"Come right this way, please." Jun took a small step back, allowing Kakashi and Gai to pass through the gate. "I'll go and talk to the master."

* * *

Ten minutes later Kakashi sat down on "their" bed. After a brief disappearance, Jun had shown them to a room in the main building, wished them a good night and left. Now Gai was standing at the window, frowning into the darkness on the other side of the glass.

"Do you really think everyone else is already asleep?" he asked Kakashi. "We should go outside, take a look around, Rival! I'm sure we'll solve this case in—"

_It was just too much._

* * *

_A.N.: I don't like people who take money for fic or fanart (for profit - charity stuff's a different thing). I'm old-fashioned that way. If you're one of those people, please don't read my fic. I know I can't stop you (unless I go back to flocked journal posting, which I might), but at least know that you're not welcome here. (There was a thing I saw on my tumblr dash a while back and I found it quite disturbing how stupid people were about copyright-stuff.)  
_


	7. how to train your stick insect

It took Kakashi less than two seconds to cross the room, grab Gai by the shoulders and slam him into the wall with just the right amount of restraint to make the attack seem at least somewhat playful.

"Shut up, Tora," Kakashi whispered into Gai's ear. Gai's shoulders were rock hard under his hands, wrought with tension and fight or flight conflict. Kakashi knew that – had he been anyone else - Gai would have beaten him down before he'd so much as brushed him with his fingertips. "No breaking character unless we've got no other choice. I need you to get better at this. Understood?" He slid one hand down the front of Gai's yukata, tracing the border of the fabric to the belt.

Gai squirmed. "There's no one here. Just us."

"This is our first night. We have no idea how many people are in the house, much less on the property. We don't know who they are and we don't know how suspicious they are of new arrivals. We're not taking any risks, okay?" He pulled down his scarf as he spoke, nuzzling Gai's cheek and gently dragging him away from the wall and in front of the window, so their silhouettes would be visible from outside.

"I know it's awkward, but this is the mission," he murmured against Gai's skin, tiny stubble scraping his lips. "We can't let our guard down."

Gai remained quiet. He stood stiffly, arms at his sides.

It was no good.

"Put your hands on my hips," Kakashi ordered. "Come on. We're supposed to be a couple. You know how to do this, don't you?"

Gai's hands settled on his hips for an instant before withdrawing again. He kept them hovering centimeters from Kakashi's body, as if to catch Kakashi should he suddenly fall.

"We don't need to go this far when no one's watching," Gai said.

"It's practice. I can't have you do another stick insect impersonation when we actually meet Tsukeyaki."

He could actually feel the heat rising to Gai's face. "Stick Insect?! Kakashi—"

"I told you! It's _Souku_." This was exasperating. Kakashi tugged at the knot in Gai's sloppily tied belt, working his fingers beneath the fabric. "This has gone on too long already. If you didn't want the mission, why didn't you just say so before we got here? Tsunade-sama could have sent Asuma or Genma or someone else."

"What are you saying?! I'd never back down from a mission!"

"Too bad. You're no good to me like this."

A moment's lapse in the argument that allowed Kakashi to untie the belt and slide the open yukata off Gai's shoulders. He took a small step back, surveying his handiwork. Gai stood topless before him, looking down at his bare feet. His hands had dropped back to his sides, as expected he made no move toward Kakashi.

"It just…" Eyes darting guilty to a distant corner of the room, Gai paused. "It doesn't seem right… Duping civilians."

Well, it wouldn't, Kakashi thought, not to someone who'd never made it into Anbu.

"As a shinobi, I want to test my skill against other shinobi and kunoichi! I want to have hot-blooded battles—" Gai was getting dangerously close to ranting, his voice rising steadily. He was as short-sighted as ever.

"Shhh!" Kakashi hissed, moving closer again. He put his hands on Gai's shoulders, looking into his eyes. "Gai. We're protecting them," he said. "Why do you think Omiyage-san went to the Hokage? If this goes on and the daimyo orders a so called _official investigation_, do you really think they'll bother actually investigating? They'll simply shut Tsukeyaki down. They'll probably arrest everyone." Kakashi had memorized the contents of the mission scroll. He knew exactly what kind of charges Tsukeyaki and his merry band of misfits were facing. "No one will care enough about a bunch of old men who take it up the ass to make sure they're actually guilty."


	8. meditations on acorns

Truth be told, Kakashi thought lying in bed a few minutes later, he wasn't sure _he_ cared. This was a mission, which meant he'd fulfill it at any cost, but he didn't have strong feelings when it came to matters such as this. On some level, he even found that Tsukeyaki was to blame for being naïve enough to take in random strangers based on their sexual preferences alone.

It was a stupid thing to do.

As for the whole gay-thing, Kakashi honestly didn't have an opinion about it. He thought it strange that it seemed to matter to others. Konoha was fairly liberal – in that no Hokage had ever cared and shinobi generally measured a person's worth not by who they fucked but how well they fought. There had been the occasional mission where he'd picked up certain vibes and had used them to his advantage. Flirting was something he was good at and he'd soon realized that his looks appealed to members of either sex. Gai on the other hand had –if history was anything to go by – the kind of look that seemed to appeal to neither.

Kakashi allowed himself a derisive smirk, hidden by the darkness alone as his scarf was currently draped over the back of a chair with the rest of his clothes. He shifted in bed, rolling onto his side to face Gai. It was awkward, but he'd been the one to insist on sleeping naked. If anyone should "happen" to burst into their room during the night it would look more natural, Kakashi was convinced of that. Plus it wasn't like they didn't see each other naked on a fairly regular basis anyway. Gai's at the time acorn-sized penis had been one of the first ones Kakashi had ever laid eyes on, the third to be exact, after his own and his dad's. In a way, he was already far more familiar with it than he had any right or desire to be.

Still Kakashi had to admit that he occasionally got something out of the fact that his dick was significantly bigger than Gai's. There were also times when he wondered whether they would have become "rivals" if it had been the other way around, whether their whole relationship might not, in the end, boil down to penis-size. Kakashi enjoyed the absurdity of the thought; it amused him. To be quite honest, though, he could see it actually being the case. It would certainly explain a lot about Gai's personality, that constant need to prove himself…

Either way Kakashi felt the urge to tuck his thing between his legs. He really didn't need the awkwardness of it rubbing against the backs of Gai's thighs, although he knew on some level that it was bound to happen eventually. There probably was no way around it.

Thankfully, the bed was wide enough to allow them an inch of distance between their bodies. Gai had turned away from Kakashi; he was facing the wall, on his side, his hair falling onto the pillow in a way that made it look like a dark pool of blood. In the grey semi-darkness of the room, Kakashi could see the gentle movement of Gai's regular breathing.

Clearly, he was sulking by pretending to be asleep.

Kakashi didn't get it. Ever since they'd begun the mission, Gai's mood had seemed to be in constant flux. One moment he was his usual over-enthusiastic self, boasting about his acting skills and asking Kakashi to hold his hand, and the next he was stiff, awkward and barely able to touch Kakashi. It was annoying.

And now Gai was lying in bed, sulking because Kakashi had told him he didn't want to risk sneaking around the property on their first night.

_Not before we've met Tsukeyaki and whoever else is staying here,_ Kakashi had said.

Under their shared blanket – there'd been only one on the bed and Kakashi had decided that asking for another one would be too suspicious – Kakashi reached out and put a hand on Gai's hip. No reaction. Maybe he wasn't pretending after all.

Gai's skin was warm and smooth under Kakashi's fingertips.

If he closed his eyes, it occurred to Kakashi, touching Gai might not feel all that different from touching her.

And wasn't that a scary thought?


	9. here comes a new challenger!

_Yugao. _

Why was he thinking about her when he was miles and miles away from Konoha, not to mention lying in bed with someone else? It probably wasn't a good sign.

Kakashi stared at the nape of Gai's neck, wondering. He didn't miss her, did he? They didn't have _that _kind of relationship. He liked her, that much he couldn't deny. She was talented, smart, strong; she excelled as an Anbu – and, yes, she also happened to be beautiful. And yet Kakashi knew the main reason they had started sleeping together was that they both counted on the other being emotionally unavailable. He knew that whenever he touched her, she closed her eyes, imagining his hands belonging to someone else – a man who was long gone.

_I will never forget Hayate_, she had told him, her tone completely matter of fact.

_I wouldn't want you to,_ he'd replied just as coolly.

They met up for sex, that was all. She never stayed the night when she dropped by his place and neither did he when he came to hers. It was a very simple arrangement.

It meant nothing.

So why was he thinking about her?

Kakashi groaned softly and pushed himself up into a sitting position.

The room was quiet, filled only with the soft, regular sound of Gai's breathing. Kakashi listened to it for a few seconds, convinced now that Gai really was fast asleep. Not for the first time Kakashi found himself envious of Gai's ability to fall asleep quickly whenever he wanted. For Kakashi it wasn't that easy even when he was as exhausted as he was now. His mind never really rested and right now it was in overdrive, very much against his will.

Yugao's smooth, pale skin haunted him. Moonlight – that gentle white glow coming through the small window – conjured up her image.

Kakashi reached over and touched Gai's naked shoulder. "Tora, I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute, okay?" As expected there was barely a reaction from Gai, nothing but a faint mumble, a twitch of the shoulder as if to shrug off Kakashi's hand.

He knew he was being a hypocrite, after all, hadn't he given Gai a full lecture about staying in the room for the duration of the night? Keeping a low profile until they knew more about their surroundings? Kakashi had said all those things, but the way he saw it, Shiba Souku was probably a guy with a weak bladder. He might also happen to be the kind of person who couldn't remember directions all that well. So he'd forget the way to the bathroom that Jun had shown them, he'd end up wandering around for a bit…

Kakashi slipped out of bed and into a pair of boxers. After a second of contemplation, he also put on his Yukata but left the scarf draped over the back of a chair. He wasn't planning on running into anyone.

Barefoot, Kakashi padded into the dark hallway, wooden floorboards creaking softly with every step. Earlier, Jun had led them along the wall to the building closest the gate. It was a guest house, a small and simple wooden house with unadorned walls and few windows. Kakashi and Gai had waited there while Jun had dashed off across the compound to the largest shoin-zukuri style house located to the north-west. _So that's where Tsukeyaki sleeps,_ Kakashi had thought, filing away the information for future reference. He'd waited attentively next to the entrance to the guest house, barely glancing at his surroundings as if he was too tired to even look up, but he'd counted the seconds in his head. Jun needed a good five minutes from their position to get to the front door of Tsukeyaki's building.

He wasn't going to risk a trip there tonight, Kakashi decided. He'd stay – if not inside – then at least close to the guest house.

Kakashi headed into the direction of the bathroom, down the hallway and around a corner. There was someone else there, he could feel the tiny flicker of unfocused chakra. Not Jun, though. Someone else. Watching his every move. Kakashi kept walking, taking big, clumsy steps on the wooden floor. At every little noise he cringed in an exaggerated manner. He stopped in front of the door, listening. He inhaled the stale air and picked up the scent of another man.

As if on cue, he heard the floorboards creak behind him – far closer than he'd thought possible – and then the man who'd managed to sneak up on him spoke up, "Why what do we have here? Are you lost, little lamb?"


	10. like a house on fire

Kakashi whipped around, the movement exaggerated for dramatic effect, and quickly pulled his yukata closed over his bare chest. Startled maiden was the impression he was going for. Clutching the fabric, cowering a little as if he was a blushing virgin who'd been surprised by an intruder in her bedroom.

"Who -?!" he gasped despite already being in the middle of analyzing his opponent.

The man before him was shorter than he'd expected, short but muscular, his well-defined chest visible under his open, sleeveless yukata. There were bandages around his midriff, but Kakashi couldn't see any suspicious protrusion betraying a concealed weapon. Then again, a lot of small weapons were incredibly easy to hide.

The man's dark hair was pulled back tightly into a stub of a ponytail. At the front, strands of hair had already fought their way out of their confinement and were hanging into his hard and narrow face. His skin was a shade darker than Gai's and what at first glance had looked like a shadow transformed into a gnarled scar running across the right side of his neck when he cocked his head and stepped closer to Kakashi.

"Now, now, calm down. I didn't mean to scare you or anything." His voice was honeysuckle sweet; hands raised in a surrendering gesture, the man studied Kakashi from head to toe.

_Yeah, right, _Kakashi thought. He took a step backwards, putting a little more distance between himself and the stranger.

The other man stayed put. "Couldn't sleep is all…" he said. "But… hmmm, when Jun-chan told me we had visitors, he didn't mention how pretty you were. I'd have dropped by sooner if I'd known…" There was an open leer on his face now. His narrow hazel eyes were trained firmly on Kakashi, his gaze sliding up and down the length of his body, leaving Kakashi with a feeling like he was repeatedly being dipped in slime. He could feel that look clinging to him.

"I— I apologize if I woke you up. _My boyfriend_ and I just arrived less than an hour ago. I was looking for the restroom; I didn't mean to disturb anyone." Kakashi kept his demeanor meek, he lowered his head, letting the fall of his hair obscure his eye and scarred eyelid. He'd seen enough.

"Don't worry, you didn't disturb me. And even if you had, seeing your beautiful face would have cheered me right up!" This time the other man did take a step towards Kakashi. Still, Kakashi couldn't feel a discernible change in his chakra. It was so low he could barely even sense it. "Say, your boyfriend… is he as handsome as you?"

There was a glint in those eyes, a dangerous spark you didn't see until it had lit your house on fire.

Kakashi decided to dodge the question.

"Ah… I should probably go—" he began, making a move towards the other man who was standing in the middle of the hallway, blocking the path back to their room.

"Hey, now, don't go! You haven't even told me your name yet! It'd be pretty rude to just run off like that, wouldn't it?"

"I'm Shiba Souku. It's nice to meet you." Kakashi bowed quickly.

"Kaneshiro Kirie, at your service. See, that didn't even hurt one bit. Now… do you always sleep dressed like that?"

Even someone as mild-mannered as Souku should get irritated by this kind of question, Kakashi thought. He narrowed his eye at Kirie and frowned at the shameless smirk that was directed at him in reply.

"I'm sorry, I don't see how this is—"

"Any of my business, hm? You're a cold one, aren't you! I'm just showing concern for your health! You don't have to torture yourself on a hot summer night like this! It would be totally okay to walk around naked, no one would mind! After all, we're all men here!"

There were only a few centimeters between them now, and Kakashi realized that if he wanted to get past and Kirie didn't move out of the way, he'd have to flatten himself against the wall and try to scoot past.


	11. バナナ

A.N.: Sorry. Mixed up the chapters.

* * *

"Thank you," he said, making sure he sounded like he was doing is absolute best to stay composed. "But I need to go back to my room now. If Tora wakes up, he'll worry and come looking for me."

_My boyfriend will protect me; that's what he does. I may be scared of you, but I have absolute faith in Tora. _Kakashi wanted Kirie to get that message loud and clear. Playing the coward wasn't too difficult but selling the whole _My lover will come and save me-_ bit was a challenge, especially since Kakashi knew what kind of person said "lover" really was.

_Well, Gai _is_ strong. And he _would _come and save me if I needed him to. But sadly he's still… well… a complete idiot._

As if he'd been able to read Kakashi's mind, Kirie started to laugh.

"Tora? Hell of a name! Souku and Tora, eh? That must make for a lot of wanwan-style nyannyan!"

A dangerous moment. Kakashi had to bite back a snort. Thanks to Jiraiya-sama he had developed a terrible weakness for stupid dirty jokes. Souku, though, was supposed to be appalled and offended.

"Please excuse me. Have a good night," he said and began to push his way past Kirie, who refused to budge, murmuring, "Now, now—"

Kakashi tried a little harder, but instead of making room Kirie reached for him. It was a quick grab on his blind side, and yet Kakashi still actively had to keep himself from dodging and counter-attacking. He allowed Kirie's hand to close around his biceps. "I just don't see how I'll ever be able to take my eyes off you." That tone… It was low and held an edge that Kakashi hadn't heard from Kirie before. The playful glint in his eyes had sharpened into something different as well.

_He's not buying it… He's suspicious… Can he sense my chakra?_

The hint of a smile grazed Kirie's thin lips as he stared at Kakashi as if he could look right through him. It wasn't enough to make Kakashi lose his cool – nowhere near – but it did make him wonder whether the mission would be shorter than he'd thought.

Footsteps came down the hallway. The sound of bare feet on wooden floorboards. Kirie's smile widened. He let go the very moment Kakashi saw Gai rounding the corner.

Gai was completely naked. He walked, one hand on his hip, the other inexplicably holding a half-peeled banana.

"Ah! Souku!" Kakashi was endlessly relieved that Gai had gotten at least this much right. From here he could probably take it. "I was looking for you!" Gai exclaimed and promptly took a bite of his banana.

"Tora…" This time Kakashi really did push past Kirie; he practically ran towards Gai, grabbing his free hand and intertwining their fingers as soon as he had made it to his side.

"Oh, the famous boyfriend has arrived!"Kirie was smirking at them. He made a show of giving Gai a slow once-over. "Well,_ he_ gets the idea doesn't he?" he asked. "Too bad he's not much to look at, though…" His gaze lingered on Gai's crotch and he raised an eyebrow, his smirk widening. "There's literally not much to look at, is there?"

"Eh?" Gai bit off another piece of his banana and chewed thoughtfully. "Do we know each other?"

Like a child Kakashi tugged on Gai's hand. "Tora, let's go back. I'm exhausted…"

Gai shot him a confused glance, but he didn't protest when Kakashi led the way back to their room with nothing more than a forced "I guess we will see you tomorrow, Kirie-san" directed at the grinning stranger.

* * *

Kakashi slid the door shut behind him and waited, listening for any sound coming from the other side. Nothing. _Kirie must have gone in the other direction._

Finally, when he was sure there was no one within hearing distance, he turned to Gai and voiced the question that had been haunting him ever since Gai had wandered around the corner earlier.

"Why are you walking around naked?"

Gai blinked like it had never even occurred to him that anyone might ask him that. "Huh, well, there are only men here, so there's really no need to put on clothes! You should use this chance and let your skin breathe, too!" And he was grinning, _of course_ he was grinning.

"Ugh…" Kakashi allowed himself the luxury of a groan. Those two seconds of not having to pretend he loved Gai were a tiny piece of heaven. "And where did you get that?" He pointed at what was left of the banana in Gai's hand.

"Hm? There was a bowl of fruit in one of the rooms. I thought no one would mind if I took one."

"Pretty brave of you to eat that. I would have been too worried about where it might have been… You didn't find it in a bedroom, did you?"

"Heh? There was a bed, but –" Gai frowned, clearly not able to make the connection between places a banana could have been and bedrooms. "More importantly, who was that guy you were talking to?"

"Maa," Kakashi said, replaying the strange encounter in his mind._ I just don't see how I'll ever be able to take my eyes off you. " _I wonder…"


End file.
